With that movie coming out this weekend, I was inspired to post about this particular douchebag. Now that I have a daughter, I understand how hard being a mom actually is. We all love our kids and would do anything for them, but I find 1 major flaw in having kids. You have to raise them. If kids could raise themselves and we could just hug, kiss, and play a few of the less mind-numbing games with them, they’d be awesome. Last night my daughter made me read her favorite book to her 11 times in a row. Halfway through the 8th reading, I found myself plotting ways to kill the author. My best idea involved a sledgehammer, a garbage bag, and a trunk. Given the book’s Halloween theme it seemed to make the most sense.
Anyway, today’s douchebag was realized after a friend told me a story. She was picking her son up from preschool, he fell down and started crying. She picked him up to comfort him, which sounds pretty normal. Well, one of the moms there said to her, “So you’re one of those moms who picks her kid up every time he cries.” What?? If I was there I would’ve had to stop myself from saying, “So you’re one of those moms who needs to learn how to shut her fucking pie hole.” First off, I would’ve done the same thing my friend did, secondly, like I said, being a mom is hard and I really try not to judge. And if I am judging, I judge in the privacy of my own head. I take my daughter to preschool and I often forget to bring her cup. Every time I worry that the other moms are thinking I’m trying to dehydrate my kid. I swear, I’m not. I’m just forgetful, irresponsible, and extremely scatterbrained. But hopefully I make up for it with my funny faces and ability to sound exactly like Fozzy Bear.
So, today’s douchebag of the day is “judgy judy” from my friend’s class. A very wise person once told me, everyone’s got an opinion and an asshole. It’s often best to keep both under wraps.